I hesitated before publishing yesterday’s post. For one thing, what happened was the exact opposite of what I’m trying to do here. For another, somehow the words on my screen didn’t do justice to the moment. But last night after a day of travel, with my eyes dry and my vision blurring, I reasoned it wouldn’t be honest not to post it.
But what I realized today, in rethinking what happened to respond to the lovely comments to that post, is that there was in fact more to it. Speaking the word nobody did two good things. One, it was progress from last December’s Christmas party when no words at all came out of my mouth. And two, it allowed the hopefully final remaining strands of the nobody ghost to show themselves so I could speak them away.
And another thing, I knew the minute I said it–I could hear it–how without merit it was. And I didn’t let the fact that I’d said it bother me. I carried on. I was myself.
Walking away from the conversation, I felt good.