I used to know my own mind. Honestly, I had an opinion about everything. And I charged forth boldly. But something happened along the way, and I entered a period of mostly not knowing. Or not caring. Yikes.
I think the something that happened was my allowing marriage and children to affect me in too great a way. Um, kind of like they were bowling balls and I was a pin. I mean, I spent day after day either helping other people figure out what they wanted and how to make that happen or wanting other people to be happy. I began not to care anymore about what I wanted. If everybody else could be happy, well that meant peace–which at some point became more important than anything else.
I was 23 when my daughter was born and 55 when my last child left for college.
Man, I got in such habits. Ordering in restaurants for the kids. And then one day, a child, completely capable of ordering for himself, looked across a bowl of chips at me as if I had lost my mind.
And I had.
These days, in a restaurant, I still sometimes want whatever my husband’s having. Or I often ask whatever teen-aged waitress is standing in front of me, who I’ve never seen before in my life, what she likes.
Good post. 🙂
Thank you, Sheila : )
I love this! I’m still trying to figure things out without my children at the center of my days!
Thanks, Chris. But in my case, it’s not so much that the children were the center as that I had no center.
Ah yes, I remember it well! 😊
Hopeful Herbalist, do you mean your mind : )
No just the fog that passed for it! And the “Large” family and eating out in fast food restaurants, and and…. 😄
well said : )
“Go to your bosom; Knock there, and ask your heart what it doth know. ”
― William Shakespeare, Measure for Measure.
I just love Shakespeare, Helena. Saw Much Ado About Nothing last night.
Cynthia… I have noticed… 🙂
Much Ado about Nothing… rings a few bells (LOL)
hahaha : )
Those habits are easy to fall into, aren’t they? But I’m glad you’re finding your way back to yourself.
Thanks, Kate. Yes, the habits were easy to fall into, especially with so many little ones and feeling overwhelmed and just moving into get-it-done mode. My husband and I were just sitting outside talking about all that, and those days.
Oh, no, Cynthia! You’re Julia Roberts in “Runaway Bride”! You need to try all the eggs again to see which is your favorite 🙂 Btw, love the Shakespeare quote Helena put up 😀
I told you I had it that bad : )
Sorry, I got to this one later. My sense in all of this so far is that you are feeling somewhat lost. I think that happens to all of us during our journey through life. I’m actually in a similar place at the moment. The reason I was drawn to your blog is that I was considering doing something similar. I had planned to do a daily post, but just for me. In the past I have been able to write through my questions and figure things out. But, I couldn’t do it this time.
So all we can really do is just pick a direction and move forward. Life is still ahead of us.
Mary, I appreciate your reading whenever you get to it. And I appreciate your comments, especially this one. It’s nice to know you’re on a similar journey, and I hope yours is going well. Your comment also made me think, because I don’t feel lost. I wrote more about that in today’s post. xo
Well then, maybe it is just me who is lost.
Well, if you are, you’re not by yourself. I’m out there too following my breadcrumbs. One journey, as Helena said. Many paths.
Aha! I’m catching up on your posts and responding to each as they come, not looking ahead. A few posts ago I asked in my comment if you have an opinion about everything, b/c I do, and I associate that character trait and mindset with my tendency to take charge, which–YOUR tendency to take charge–you had written about that day. So maybe those two traits ARE linked, but the link can be severed. You’re trying to rediscover your mind while I continue on my current ~10-year-and running project of becoming less… bossy, we’ll call it. Anyway, maybe I still have all my opinions because I never had children. Or maybe I never had children b/c I knew instinctively I might lose my ability to know my own mind–I think that would feel dangerous to me.
I hope you’re celebrating how much your posts are provoking your readers to think deeply about themselves. In making this meaning for yourself, and then sharing it with such good articulation and generosity, you’re helping others make meaning. This is a master class in why writers write. So inspiring.
That’s right, you still have all your opinions because you never had any children–lol. And thanks so much for your kind words. I appreciate them.
Misplacing self can also be liberating… Who else would have the courage to order a Reuben pizza in the midst of two weeks of no-other-choice-but-organic-clean-eating?!
Nina, that’s hilarious–you did that? So nice to see you here again.