The last couple of years, I’ve been spending more time writing fiction and less time doing everything else–including showing up here and including taking time for myself. And I don’t mean manicures and massages. I’m a very private person. So private that I don’t even know what I think sometimes. So private that I have a hard time saying things that are true about myself. So private that I can’t even come up with a bio that includes anything other than facts and figures. Aaugh! On the plus side, the writing is improving, editors are interested, I’m receiving the loveliest of rejections, I’m getting closer to publishing a novel. But I seem to be getting further/farther away from me. The real me. The true me. What I really think about something. The way I really feel.
I was heading in the right direction with this is 57 last April, but that was one post on one day. After my birthday, I continued to spiral away from myself. I think what it’s going to take is a daily process, a daily practice. I want to catch hold of something true about myself every day, and I want to say it out loud.
Katherine James, an internet friend who is a commenter here, just completed a year-long project of her own—365 feminist selfies—which entailed posting a selfie on Facebook every day for a year. She wrote that the project started out being about her physical appearance and completing the project, but it became about “letting go of fear and inhibition, opening up to trust other people to like you or not for how you look and what you say, and no matter what they do, good or bad, knowing your heart will go on beating until it does not.”
I think of Facebook and Twitter as places to visit. I learn a lot of things while I’m there. Sometimes I feel worse after a visit; sometimes, better. I thought about hosting my project on Facebook as Katherine did. But then I remembered this place that I had created.
But although I’ve been thinking about this project for a while, I wasn’t sure about it. And then I got into Christmas and kids arriving home… If I were going to do it, I wanted to start on January 1st… but on January 1st, I had a house full. Last Friday, my husband and I accompanied the last child back from whence he’d come. We returned home Saturday. I came to Provincetown on Sunday where I finally had the time and the space to think. I began writing this post yesterday.
Which brings us to today, January 13th. And my project for the new year (which I will not abandon just because today is the 13th and not the 1st).
365 true things about me, 1 true thing at a time.
And even now, I’m not sure if this is a good idea. In fact, I reserve the right to abandon ship as long as I do it publicly, which would be as good for me as anything.
But if I can do it, I’ll be posting every day this year. Short posts, sometimes only a sentence. Still lots about reading and writing and life–just more me. If you are subscribed and don’t want to receive a post every day, please feel free to unsubscribe. My feelings will not be hurt. And to my faithful commenters (you two know who you are), you are not allowed to comment on every post!
So off we go. I’m looking forward to catching me and catching days.