Comments on: time to myself: 7/365

By: cynthia

cynthia — Fri, 06 Mar 2015 23:35:03 +0000

In reply to cynthia. From The Lost Daughter by Elena Ferrante: "You read, you write all day, and you don't know?" "No."

By: cynthia

cynthia — Fri, 06 Mar 2015 23:08:31 +0000

In reply to Claire Guyton.

I actually don’t learn very much about myself when I’m alone except for the kinds of things I like to do when I’m alone–like for example staying in my pjs. I got used to being private, and I got comfortable with it. I was only turning the brain inward through the slant of fiction–and revising my novel now I’m noticing a lot of what I’m writing here there. In any event, whatever the reason, there’s no question that I was losing my voice in the sense that I was becoming less able to talk about myself when I did want to and unable to say anything about myself that wasn’t a fact or a figure. It’s not so much that I don’t have a clue; it’s more that it’s inaccessible. And now I’m trying to access it, to find the words. Thanks for asking.

By: Claire Guyton

Claire Guyton — Thu, 05 Mar 2015 05:05:43 +0000

Somehow growing up I deeply imbibed the belief that I was meant, always, to adapt to others and be a good caretaker. (I have often wondered if this kind of raising is unavoidable for a girl born in the south.) For a long time I didn’t understand how much I needed time to myself–in fact, when I was a young adult, I feared being alone. What a shock it was to discover how much I liked it when I got married and then arranged to give my husband alone-time b/c I’d realized how much HE needed it. We were both relieved to discover the need was mutual. Nowadays I have no family but my husband. Yes, you do have to build some kind of community and develop friendships when you’re cut off from the people you’ve always known. So I do think you would find yourself seeking out company, now and again, if it wasn’t ready-made. But you’d still need a lot of alone-time. I need more all the time.

Now the question I had, reading this post, is why, when you have always been so good at gifting yourself alone-time and personal space whenever and wherever you can find it, do you feel you know yourself so little that you’ve prescribed this project as a curative? I learn a lot about myself when I’m alone, and that’s partly why I value the time so much. Here’s another: Why, when you’ve alway understood that you must have alone time, do you BELIEVE that you don’t know yourself? Or maybe I’m reading too much into your confession that you feel far away from yourself. Maybe you mean more that you tend to focus your prodigious brain outward rather than inward–well, and that when you do go inward, it’s mainly to create stories that are not about you, or at least not in an immediately obvious way and not in a way that interests you–and NOT that you don’t have a clue who you are. In any case, I’m very glad for this curative. It’s inspiring and a pure delight to read.

By: cynthia

cynthia — Fri, 23 Jan 2015 23:55:50 +0000

In reply to writersideup. So true.

By: writersideup

writersideup — Fri, 23 Jan 2015 05:46:41 +0000

In reply to cynthia. There's a lot to be said for freedom and peace, even if just for a while :)

By: cynthia

cynthia — Fri, 23 Jan 2015 01:31:13 +0000

In reply to writersideup. From the days of tiny babies, I remember the stillness and quiet of the middle of the night. I loved being the only one up.

By: writersideup

writersideup — Thu, 22 Jan 2015 06:52:10 +0000

It is actually my need for some time to breathe, to do what I want for me with no one bothering me, is one of the biggest reasons my night owl habits continued throughout my life. It’s also been the reason my health isn’t a bit better, too. But constanly having to live our lives for others can be depleting and unfair. But in the same breath, whenever I think of life before modern convenience, I realize how much more we can do that isn’t drudgery, too.

By: cynthia

cynthia — Tue, 20 Jan 2015 19:26:34 +0000

In reply to helena sorensen. yes, we need both, don't we? nice quote. and happy tuesday, helena!

By: helena sorensen

helena sorensen — Tue, 20 Jan 2015 07:08:19 +0000

Time Alone… be as necessary as breathing.

Time with Others… feeds my basic ‘human’ desire to belong.

In keeping with the above… I be intrigued by the following quote:

“If I am not for myself, who will be for me?
And if I am only for myself, what am I?
And if not now… when?
………………………………..Yehoshua Bar-Hillel

By: cynthia

cynthia — Tue, 20 Jan 2015 00:21:14 +0000

In reply to Lorretta @Dancing On The Dash. Loretta, nice to hear from you again. And nice to read your perspective. Thanks for weighing in.