But from the first draft, these scenes never seemed to be in the right place–whether it was interspersed throughout as sections, included as separate chapters, as one chapter… I tried adding to them with some less good writing. I tried compressing them.

Almost nothing am I ever certain of when writing a novel, and yet, from the beginning I knew where this novel began–at the airport some years into Cass and Ethan’s marriage.

Despite that certainty, for the last draft, I put these origin scene pages at the beginning–right up front. It was the only place I hadn’t tried, plus I thought it might create a good feeling for them as a couple. I knew it wasn’t right and yet I did it.

In all these years, the one thing I never considered (or if I did it was so fleeting as not to register) was that I didn’t need these pages AT ALL. But last week, this was the only option I had left.

I didn’t know how I would make the story work without them. I stared into the ocean. The tide went out and it came back in again. I couldn’t figure out how I would land safely. But I jumped anyway. I cut the pages.

And then I kept going. In the end I went back and picked up one scene as a separate chapter.

But this was the answer. After all this time, I didn’t need them. These scenes from the past were weights around the story I was trying to tell. They were also the problem with the pacing. It’s crazy. Now the pages fly by.

After all these years, it was as simple as that.