Comments on: first me redux: 40/365

By: cynthia

cynthia — Mon, 06 Apr 2015 22:57:12 +0000

Your comment is fascinating, Claire, on so many levels. You know yourself so well. And you’re dead right. This is exactly what I meant when I said I was good at keeping myself private from myself. Except I’m not sensitive and I’ve been doing this day-in and day-out for years, not just when something hits me between the eyes. But for everything. You describe this so well: “You know that space, that very, very dark and constrained space, between the unformed thought and the word that names the thought?” Except that if by constrained, you mean limited, for me it’s not. This space has been getting wider and wider and was in the process of hollowing me out. This is the space I’m trying to access and shrink. And in it is everything, from the ridiculous to the, well maybe not the sublime, but the more important.

By: Claire Guyton

Claire Guyton — Mon, 09 Mar 2015 05:27:19 +0000

The other day I confessed to a friend how weird I can be when my feelings have been hurt. I’m so good, typically, at shielding myself, that I only very rarely feel wounded by anyone, despite being an extremely sensitive person. I just have great coping strategies for that sensitivity, so mostly I move through the world just fine, waving away things that would bother less sensitive folks. But occasionally someone does manage to get me right between the eyes. And when that happens–here’s the weird part–I find the experience so difficult that I can’t talk to myself about it. And by talk to myself, I mean that I can’t allow the words to form in my brain so that I might process it. You know that space, that very, very dark and constrained space, between the unformed thought and the word that names the thought? How most of the time you can’t even access that space b/c the transition from formless to formed is so quick and seamless? I very carefully monitor that space if I’m feeling wounded. I stretch it. I set up a time-delay. So if formless thought is headed toward a form that will admit that I am hurt–I drop a wall to stop it. It can take me weeks before I can very carefully begin to explore allowing the words to form. After a while I put together the sentences, gently talking to myself, describing what happened and why I reacted the way I did. That process can take many more weeks. And then, eventually, I find that I can speak pretty naturally inside my head about whatever happened, and that’s the sign that I can tell some version of the story to Pat or close friends, who can give me the feedback I need to finally properly fully process what happened and put it to rest. That’s what I thought about when I read that you are good at keeping yourself private from yourself. I can be very good at that, too, in the circumstances I just described, but also in other ways that stun me when I do trip over a truth I’ve been hiding from my poor, well-meaning brain. It’s a very strange feeling, isn’t it?

By: cynthia

cynthia — Wed, 04 Mar 2015 20:46:00 +0000

In reply to helena sorensen. xo

By: helena sorensen

helena sorensen — Wed, 04 Mar 2015 18:35:24 +0000

In reply to cynthia.

Cynthia… I am delighted to hear that… 🙂
It was sent to me by a dear Saudi friend…
who is cheering me on… as are you xxx

By: cynthia

cynthia — Wed, 04 Mar 2015 14:09:21 +0000

In reply to helena sorensen. Helena, finally got a chance to watch this and thought it was great xo

By: helena sorensen

helena sorensen — Wed, 25 Feb 2015 19:44:31 +0000

Cynthia… I do SO relate to this line:
“So private that I hid myself from myself.”

In reply… a TED Talk: Brene Brown…
The power of vulnerability

from saudi with love xxx

By: writersideup

writersideup — Mon, 23 Feb 2015 03:30:34 +0000

In reply to cynthia. Thank you, Cynthia :)

By: cynthia

cynthia — Mon, 23 Feb 2015 02:31:01 +0000

In reply to writersideup. Sending calm wishes.

By: writersideup

writersideup — Mon, 23 Feb 2015 01:56:36 +0000

In reply to cynthia. Yeah, I'm not sure what's going on right now with all the symptoms. Could be a number of things.

By: cynthia

cynthia — Mon, 23 Feb 2015 01:44:07 +0000

In reply to writersideup. Donna, first above all you need to take care of your blood pressure! And after that, yes, here's to balance!