Comments on: first me: 39/365

By: cynthia

cynthia — Mon, 06 Apr 2015 22:21:37 +0000

In reply to Claire Guyton. Woohoo for this: As for those lessons in selflessness, I continue my lifetime of attempting to undo all that foolishness.

By: Claire Guyton

Claire Guyton — Mon, 09 Mar 2015 05:08:59 +0000

Same, same. And in my case, of course, the tendency to lose myself when there’s a crowd at my house–or just to the needs of friends or family or colleagues in any given situation–has nothing to do with being a mother. I was raised to believe that other people’s needs should absolutely always come before my own, and that mens’ needs should always come before women’s needs. And I don’t mean that I reacted to role-modeling–these things were expressed very clearly, using very direct language. Right now I can hear my mother teaching me these things and reminding me of them, and I learned those lessons very well. Yet, like you, I do always think of myself as me, first, and only after do I think, oh, right, and wife and daughter and sister and so on. As for those lessons in selflessness, I continue my lifetime of attempting to undo all that foolishness.

By: writersideup

writersideup — Mon, 23 Feb 2015 03:32:02 +0000

In reply to cynthia. I'm always doing too much, Cynthia :( I hope things change before my body gives in, you know? *sigh*

By: cynthia

cynthia — Mon, 23 Feb 2015 02:49:29 +0000

In reply to writersideup. Donna, it does sound like you're doing too much at the moment. I hope you can break the damn vicious cycle and get some time to yourself!

By: writersideup

writersideup — Sun, 22 Feb 2015 03:51:37 +0000

In reply to cynthia.

I think it’s difficult to find real balance since life pulls us in so many directions. I know I’m constantly overwhelmed and I do hate that. I’ve had enough of it. I’m really suffering for it physically and that’s the worst part, I’d say. Yes, I enjoy doing for others, but not so much anymore because I’ve spent (and still do in many ways) inordinate amounts of time and effort doing for others, only to end up finding out so many didn’t deserve what they got from me. It creates a bitterness, and I’m much more selective about who I do for. Still, people rely on me and I wish I wasn’t the one they rely on. I really do need time for me and it never happens. What’s terrible is that it’s getting worse instead of better now that I’m older and even more pressured. Damn vicious cycle. Hold on to the things you can do to refuel 🙂

And I’m very glad you’re enjoying reading the posts about Harry 😀 I’m enjoying writing them, too, but only because I REALLY love the series. I don’t enjoy reviewing books and when I do, they’re typically very short ones on good reads. They all take time and I have to keep making decisions to keep cutting back on all this online stuff. It’s getting better 🙂 And once the reread posts are done, I won’t commit to something like that again.

By: cynthia

cynthia — Sun, 22 Feb 2015 03:28:22 +0000

In reply to writersideup.

I’m afraid I’ve given the wrong impression. I’m very selfish. I really am. It’s just with family that I lose my balance. But I’m not surprised that you’re always doing for others, Donna. You seem to enjoy it too. And it seems like you’re really enjoying the HP reread. It’s a pleasure to read your posts about them.

By: first me redux: 40/365 | catching days

first me redux: 40/365 | catching days — Sat, 21 Feb 2015 16:46:44 +0000

[…] of these posts, I can’t give them unlimited amounts of time, which is what some of them need. Yesterday’s post was a little scattered but this morning became more clear. In the interest of full disclosure, I […]

By: writersideup

writersideup — Sat, 21 Feb 2015 04:14:18 +0000

I’m much the same, Cynthia (what a surprise) in that I spend so much of my time doing for others (not so much my son anymore, since he’s married) and I NEVER refuel with things just for me. That’s one reason I enjoy reading fiction (and the HP reread, though forced, is still for me)—it’s something I generally do for myself. It’s not that I define myself as “mother” or “girlfriend” or “daughter” or whatever. They are simply roles we fill and are part of who we are. Plus, of course, when we’re the “fixers” and the “doers,” we naturally find ourselves wanting to do/help/care for others. There’s a big part of it that’s a curse, but I know I’m not selfish enough : /

By: cynthia

cynthia — Sat, 21 Feb 2015 00:06:45 +0000

In reply to Cal. I came to the same conclusion. See above. Your loving cindy.

By: Cal

Cal — Fri, 20 Feb 2015 17:25:21 +0000

You can be you, mother and wife all at same time, or at least all during the same time period. The problem? see # 27 Your loving husband.